I wish I only lived at night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
