I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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