This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
