we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
