its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
