Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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