Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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