She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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