I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
