Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
