thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
