Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
