Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
