I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
