The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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