lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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