when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
