I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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