Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
