I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
