thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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