Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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