she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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