I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
