I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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