If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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