Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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