just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
