He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
