Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
