We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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