Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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