So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
