Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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