Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so much tequila, so little girl.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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