my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
