worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
