I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
