i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
