I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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