I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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