I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
