??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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