So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
