apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
