Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
