Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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