i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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