There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
