no, he came in my armpit
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
