the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im part way to drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
