You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
