Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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