i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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