what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
